Not really. He's one of those people who loves the same thing I dearly love: Music.
He's a musician. He plays the piano and an occasional guitar. He sings. He's tenor who can be a soprano if only you'd trust my judgment.
Honestly, he sings really well - almost at par with my Papa, who can sing his way through a kundiman without a flinch.
Yet, that shouldn't be in question because we are members of the same choir. Aside from the choir, we get to interact a bit more than other acquaintances normally would because we're taking up the same course. Thus, we suffer almost the same hardships in terms of academics. :)
Because of these two commonalities, I get to see him a lot. That's where the problem comes in, or rather, the love affair.
I've learned to love him. I don't know if it can be called romantic but it's something more than my usual brotherly love for my Kisa, LB and Twin.
It all started when we decided to sing this duet just for the sake of singing and we actually sounded good together. After that,we began to hang out more often. We would practice for a gig in a cafe or in the party of a friend. In the process, I got to know him and I realized just how much fun I have when I'm with him.
He was by no means as funny as LB. He was not even like Kisa. Not a bit. He's more of LB, only taller. Of course, he's far from my Twin. And in case you're wondering, he's so different from my one and only old flame.
That's why i couldn't figure out why I'm writing a "love affair" column for this guy. Maybe, it's because he brings out the motherly instincts in me. He's like a younger brother who has to be protected and listened to.
Yet, this only affirms why I'm writing about him. I love him. I care for him. And i don't want him to get hurt... by me.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Love Affairs: My Twin
He's the only one I didn't hide in a codename.
My twin. We only have one commonality, actually, like most twins: our birthdays.
We don't have the same set of parents though. We're not biological twins as he would put it. We were psychological twins.
I don't really know how this all started. All I remember now is that Twin was a bit of an introvert like me. He didn't like talking with other people. Yet, we were comfortable with each other.
He shared to me his problems and I shared mine. I even tell him secrets that I don't tell other people. We also learned about the personalities of each other as the years went by. I know that he can get so pessimistic sometimes. He knows that I can be a martyr sometimes. Yet, it doesn't really bother us knowing who the other person truly is. It just strengthened our bond as twins.
We talk like we're real siblings. We even wonder how that's possible. Yet, it really is. We're not just friends. We are brother and sister for each other.
My twin. We only have one commonality, actually, like most twins: our birthdays.
We don't have the same set of parents though. We're not biological twins as he would put it. We were psychological twins.
I don't really know how this all started. All I remember now is that Twin was a bit of an introvert like me. He didn't like talking with other people. Yet, we were comfortable with each other.
He shared to me his problems and I shared mine. I even tell him secrets that I don't tell other people. We also learned about the personalities of each other as the years went by. I know that he can get so pessimistic sometimes. He knows that I can be a martyr sometimes. Yet, it doesn't really bother us knowing who the other person truly is. It just strengthened our bond as twins.
We talk like we're real siblings. We even wonder how that's possible. Yet, it really is. We're not just friends. We are brother and sister for each other.
Love Affairs: My LB
LB: Little Brother.
He was literally little- a few inches shorter than me. But his big heart and big brain more than compensated for it.
He was the friend that I almost missed. In our four years of secondary education, it was only in fourth year that we really got to know each other and became friends.
He was my seatmate for one quarter. That one quarter was hilarious. I don't know if I've learned much from the teachers but I knew I learned a lot from LB.
At that time, I was more of the achiever. He was more of the easy-going student- not minding the grades but he was minding the lessons learned. He wanted to learn. He was an eager learner, a bright student, an excellent writer, a hilarious joker, a sweet friend all rolled into one. He was one person I'll never get tired of although he would often ask food during recess time or entertain me with his silly but true stories.
For that one quarter, I learned about the life of LB. It was quite colorful. I didn't know that this seemingly quiet (but fun blabbermouth in reality) had a lot going on in his mind and in his past.
What was more fascinating was he was willing to share those with me. He shared his thoughts, his feelings, (sometimes his anger or annoyance), his clever theories of conspiracy, his marvelous poems with his seatmate whom he hadn't known for a very long time. I'm actually wondering now how he easily trusted me. It's probably because I almost had the aura of a mother (or an older sister). I was one who would be willing to pause and listen to him.
Yet, I'm really glad he trusted me even for a short time. He was one person I'll never forget. Everything he has shared with me is still here ... in my mind and in my heart.
He was literally little- a few inches shorter than me. But his big heart and big brain more than compensated for it.
He was the friend that I almost missed. In our four years of secondary education, it was only in fourth year that we really got to know each other and became friends.
He was my seatmate for one quarter. That one quarter was hilarious. I don't know if I've learned much from the teachers but I knew I learned a lot from LB.
At that time, I was more of the achiever. He was more of the easy-going student- not minding the grades but he was minding the lessons learned. He wanted to learn. He was an eager learner, a bright student, an excellent writer, a hilarious joker, a sweet friend all rolled into one. He was one person I'll never get tired of although he would often ask food during recess time or entertain me with his silly but true stories.
For that one quarter, I learned about the life of LB. It was quite colorful. I didn't know that this seemingly quiet (but fun blabbermouth in reality) had a lot going on in his mind and in his past.
What was more fascinating was he was willing to share those with me. He shared his thoughts, his feelings, (sometimes his anger or annoyance), his clever theories of conspiracy, his marvelous poems with his seatmate whom he hadn't known for a very long time. I'm actually wondering now how he easily trusted me. It's probably because I almost had the aura of a mother (or an older sister). I was one who would be willing to pause and listen to him.
Yet, I'm really glad he trusted me even for a short time. He was one person I'll never forget. Everything he has shared with me is still here ... in my mind and in my heart.
Love Affairs : My KISA
KISA: Knight in Shining Armor.
Kisa was one of the first boy friends I had. He was fascinating in a weird way because he loved to mimic this superhero character.
That was why he carried it upon himself to protect me. Haha. He was my very own superhero. He was actually protecting me from this other guy who he said was "dangerous". Not really. It's just that this guy liked me but Kisa believed that the other guy was up to no good. (Note: We were high school students by this time.)
He was also my very own big brother. One time, it rained so hard that I got stranded in one building. Upon seeing me, he crossed the grounds not minding the rain. He asked me why I was left alone there and i couldn't remember why. He helped me. That's all I can remember.
Kisa was always by my side, now that I think of it. When I went to a foreign city, he was there to guide me me and teach me how to be street-smart. To cheer me up, he would invite me to got to movies with his older sister.
I miss those days. We barely talk now. I wonder if he's still my Kisa. Yet, all of the time he dedicated to protect me was more than enough. I'm very grateful to my big brother and knight in shining armor.
Kisa was one of the first boy friends I had. He was fascinating in a weird way because he loved to mimic this superhero character.
That was why he carried it upon himself to protect me. Haha. He was my very own superhero. He was actually protecting me from this other guy who he said was "dangerous". Not really. It's just that this guy liked me but Kisa believed that the other guy was up to no good. (Note: We were high school students by this time.)
He was also my very own big brother. One time, it rained so hard that I got stranded in one building. Upon seeing me, he crossed the grounds not minding the rain. He asked me why I was left alone there and i couldn't remember why. He helped me. That's all I can remember.
Kisa was always by my side, now that I think of it. When I went to a foreign city, he was there to guide me me and teach me how to be street-smart. To cheer me up, he would invite me to got to movies with his older sister.
I miss those days. We barely talk now. I wonder if he's still my Kisa. Yet, all of the time he dedicated to protect me was more than enough. I'm very grateful to my big brother and knight in shining armor.
Love Affairs
Every person in this world loved and was loved somewhere in the continuum of time and space.
Me included. The greatest love I have is the love of my God. There's my love for my family and their love for me. There's also my love for nature. I love it so much, I'd rather watch the sun set than watch TV. I also love music. It's one of the few things which sits so near to my heart, I can't even separate it from myself.
And of course, I've had my share of romantic love. However, contrary to the title, I've only dated one guy so far. Nah. We weren't even dating. We were friends and the friendship eventually grew into a short-lived romance. I had my heart broken and that was good experience. It made me tougher.
But not tough enough to shun other sources of love.
I continued to love and be loved.
What I find fascinating is my attachment to these certain guys who I've loved so much that I couldn't forget about them. I pray for their well-being and I often hoped they were happy with their lives even if I was no longer there.
I guess I was not that important to them as they were to me because I know they've move on with their lives now that we have parted ways. They are what most people would call their "crushes" but I'd prefer not calling them that way because they were not just beautiful faces meant to be admired.
They were my friends- my loved ones.
Me included. The greatest love I have is the love of my God. There's my love for my family and their love for me. There's also my love for nature. I love it so much, I'd rather watch the sun set than watch TV. I also love music. It's one of the few things which sits so near to my heart, I can't even separate it from myself.
And of course, I've had my share of romantic love. However, contrary to the title, I've only dated one guy so far. Nah. We weren't even dating. We were friends and the friendship eventually grew into a short-lived romance. I had my heart broken and that was good experience. It made me tougher.
But not tough enough to shun other sources of love.
I continued to love and be loved.
What I find fascinating is my attachment to these certain guys who I've loved so much that I couldn't forget about them. I pray for their well-being and I often hoped they were happy with their lives even if I was no longer there.
I guess I was not that important to them as they were to me because I know they've move on with their lives now that we have parted ways. They are what most people would call their "crushes" but I'd prefer not calling them that way because they were not just beautiful faces meant to be admired.
They were my friends- my loved ones.
Screwed
I screwed the last few years of my life. And I'm still screwing it up until now.
How I wish I could turn back time and correct the mistakes I've done and am still doing.
How I wish I could heal the wounds I've caused for the people I've loved and hurt in the process.
I can't do anything about that now.
People can say a lot of bad things about me because, indeed, I've been really bad.
I can't ask them to forget about the past but I've decided to do better. It would be quite a feat.
How can I change myself and be a better person when I'm so afraid to open up to anyone? I can't even face myself in the mirror and look myself in the eyes. I seriously am having issues here.
I'm trying to fix these though. I don't plan on being like this for a long time. I've already screwed up five years of my life.
I have to find my pieces and repair myself. Rather, I have to let go of my old self and be a new one- someone who will stand for what she believes in. I want to be someone who can be contented even if I can't please the world. I'm so tired of pleasing the world, of doing what it wants me to do.
I want to do what I'm destined to do. And I have this gut feeling that the little intelligence and talents that I have will contribute to my mission in this world.
How I wish I could turn back time and correct the mistakes I've done and am still doing.
How I wish I could heal the wounds I've caused for the people I've loved and hurt in the process.
I can't do anything about that now.
People can say a lot of bad things about me because, indeed, I've been really bad.
I can't ask them to forget about the past but I've decided to do better. It would be quite a feat.
How can I change myself and be a better person when I'm so afraid to open up to anyone? I can't even face myself in the mirror and look myself in the eyes. I seriously am having issues here.
I'm trying to fix these though. I don't plan on being like this for a long time. I've already screwed up five years of my life.
I have to find my pieces and repair myself. Rather, I have to let go of my old self and be a new one- someone who will stand for what she believes in. I want to be someone who can be contented even if I can't please the world. I'm so tired of pleasing the world, of doing what it wants me to do.
I want to do what I'm destined to do. And I have this gut feeling that the little intelligence and talents that I have will contribute to my mission in this world.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Bizarre Love
Here I go again getting all cynical about a relationship thinking to myself that it won't work. How can it work when it's an impossible love affair, or is it?
I recently discovered that a gay acquaintance has a May-December love affair with this another guy. I was saying to myself, " They'd eventually break up. That younger guy's just using the other one for money." It's bad thinking really, influenced by the stereotypes I grew up with "the gay benefactor in love with a younger man."
Yet, I was moved by their love story. They've been together for two years. I can't help thinking that everything would probably go well for them if not for the fact that they're both males.
It's tragic that I have this kind of thinking. Both deserve to be happy, and I, as an observer, have no right to judge their relationship just because they don't conform to my idea of a couple, just because they don't conform to what the society dictates to be right.
It's an eye opener, really. What I think to be a bizarre love affair may just be any other love affair if only I don't mind my prejudices and just look at the situation as it is.
I recently discovered that a gay acquaintance has a May-December love affair with this another guy. I was saying to myself, " They'd eventually break up. That younger guy's just using the other one for money." It's bad thinking really, influenced by the stereotypes I grew up with "the gay benefactor in love with a younger man."
Yet, I was moved by their love story. They've been together for two years. I can't help thinking that everything would probably go well for them if not for the fact that they're both males.
It's tragic that I have this kind of thinking. Both deserve to be happy, and I, as an observer, have no right to judge their relationship just because they don't conform to my idea of a couple, just because they don't conform to what the society dictates to be right.
It's an eye opener, really. What I think to be a bizarre love affair may just be any other love affair if only I don't mind my prejudices and just look at the situation as it is.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
The Walking Sleeper
This must be how it feels.
I don't know why but for the past few days, my brain's just like soup. I couldn't think straight. Nah. I couldn't think.
I don't even know if I'm in a state of fatigue after the first two days of class. It's tiring. Yet, I'm wondering why I always feel so tired. I can't even consider myself an adult yet I feel like a grandma.
For the past days, I woke up, took a shower and went to class but everything seemed to just pass in front of me. I feel that this whole reality 's so surreal it's not even reality.
This must be the reason why my eyes feel bad.
I sleep late and wake up at about 6 in the morning. (must be the reason for the tiredness I'm feeling now)
I also miss home. I've always been away. Now, I want to go back home.
I don't know why but for the past few days, my brain's just like soup. I couldn't think straight. Nah. I couldn't think.
I don't even know if I'm in a state of fatigue after the first two days of class. It's tiring. Yet, I'm wondering why I always feel so tired. I can't even consider myself an adult yet I feel like a grandma.
For the past days, I woke up, took a shower and went to class but everything seemed to just pass in front of me. I feel that this whole reality 's so surreal it's not even reality.
This must be the reason why my eyes feel bad.
I sleep late and wake up at about 6 in the morning. (must be the reason for the tiredness I'm feeling now)
I also miss home. I've always been away. Now, I want to go back home.
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