Screwed

I screwed the last few years of my life. And I'm still screwing it up until now.

How I wish I could turn back time and correct the mistakes I've done and am still doing.

How I wish I could heal the wounds I've caused for the people I've loved and hurt in the process.

I can't do anything about that now.

People can say a lot of bad things about me because, indeed, I've been really bad.

I can't ask them to forget about the past but I've decided to do better. It would be quite a feat.

How can I change myself and be a better person when I'm so afraid to open up to anyone? I can't even face myself in the mirror and look myself in the eyes. I seriously am having issues here.
I'm trying to fix these though. I don't plan on being like this for a long time. I've already screwed up five years of my life.

I have to find my pieces and repair myself. Rather, I have to let go of my old self and be a new one- someone who will stand for what she believes in. I want to be someone who can be contented even if I can't please the world. I'm so tired of pleasing the world, of doing what it wants me to do.

I want to do what I'm destined to do. And I have this gut feeling that the little intelligence and talents that I have will contribute to my mission in this world.